March 10, 2012 • 2 notes
If you were skiddity doo zobbity bop, I would woop bippity dee doo zop.
March 10, 2012
If you were going to make a terrible movie and needed a lead actor, I would take one for the team and be in it.
March 10, 2012 • 1 note
If you were just a poor boy and nobody loved you, I would spare you your life from this monstrosity.
March 9, 2012
If you were in trouble with a gang because you owed them protection money from when you were in jail, I would help you rob a place so that you could repay your debt, even though I’m in love with your wife.
March 9, 2012 • 3 notes
If you were dying and in love with me and wanted to marry me so that I would receive a war widow’s pension so that I would be looked after when you’re gone, I would marry you and wouldn’t let you know that I didn’t love you because I saw that you were so happy.
March 9, 2012 • 2 notes
If you were running for city council, I would be your campaign manager because I love you and stop-motion movies take too long to make.
March 8, 2012 • 3 notes
If you were going to fight in the war and you were in love with me, I would pretend to love you so you had something to fight for.
March 8, 2012
If you were once a famous director who had given up on cinema after the war started, I would help you remember how amazing you were and fix you.
March 8, 2012 • 2 notes
If you were kind enough to find my son’s body and return it to me so that I could be reunited with him and thus move on, I would be a huge bitch and still kill you and your son.
March 7, 2012
If you were raped by a tree and thus, had become possessed by an ancient evil spirit, I would lock you in the cellar and kill you last.